What Big Teeth You Have

Raven Baksh

Inside a maximum-security prison, DR. CRISTOFF LAKE walks down a cream-colored corridor. In his right hand, he carries his coffee thermos, and in his left hand he holds a few thin manila folders. He is very well put together; his hair is combed and styled in a professional and handsome manner, his white button-down has been ironed and tucked perfectly into his navy blue trousers. His expression is calm, but aware. He turns the corner at the end of the hall and opens the door to the small nursing office. DOLLY, a caring, fair, and cheerful 47-year-old prison nurse, is behind her desk. She smiles as he approaches the counter.
DOLLY: The happiest of Tuesdays, Cristoff.
CRISTOFF genuinely pleased to be at work & to be greeted by Dolly, he leans on the nurse’s desk: My favorite morning face. Good morning.
DOLLY: Oooo, what is that? That coffee?? She bunches up her face in bliss at the aroma of CRISTOFF’S coffee.
CRISTOFF: Right?? It’s actually the richest joe I’ve ever tasted. I just bought it last night, and I will be relying on nothing else. I recommend it. “Huntsman” blend. Takes a sip of coffee. You have a good night?
DOLLY typing, she looks up from her screen: I did, love. Thank you. Yourself?
CRISTOFF: Ahhh, you bet. A glass of wine, went over my questions, bed. He puts a file on DOLLY’S desk and she hands him another. Who’s first on my list today, then? CRISTOFF opens the folder and spends a few seconds reading. He raises his eyebrow in interest. He looks at DOLLY. She raises a pen, pointing to the folder in CRISTOFF’S hand.
CRISTOFF nodding his head in understanding and thanks, pulls his bunch of brass keys from his pocket, unlocks the black steel-barred door and walks down another cream hall to a guarded inmate common room. The inmates are sitting, some standing, conversing with one another. CRISTOFF stands straight and clears his throat. He calls out.
CRISTOFF: Wolfe. Mailar Wolfe. You’re first today.
MAILAR, an enchanting looking man, stands up calmly and heads towards CRISTOFF. There is arrogance in his step. CRISTOFF steps back as MAILAR approaches the door.
MAILAR reveals a charming yet bizarre grin. His handsome mouth is cluttered with long white teeth and his eyes are fixated on CRISTOFF’S eyes. His inmate attire is clean and sits on his figure perfectly.
MAILAR: Good morning, Dr. Lake. He nods to the guards at the door, still wearing his toothy grin.
A guard stands up straight and stern. He glares at MAILAR, looking insulted.
GUARD: Get the f*ck outta here before I kick your sick ass and Dr. Lake has to waste his time finding another guy. Take your time with this one, Dr.
The guard slams the door behind them and CRISTOFF leads MAILAR into his barred office. The walls are white. MAILAR bunches up his face briefly in disgust. He sits in a purple chair; a desk separating him from CRISTOFF. MAILAR takes a deep breath and crosses one leg over the other. He sits perfectly with his hands flat on the table. He is odd. CRISTOFF looks into MAILAR’S file and clears his throat. He tries to be as calm as possible. He, crosses his leg, matching MAILAR’S body language.
CRISTOFF: So, Mr. Wolfe. What is it you’d like to start with? Any stories about yourself? He leans back casually into his chair as if collected and in charge. MAILAR briefly looks at the white wall on his right, and lets out a cheeky little laugh. He stares at CRISTOFF, his eyes shifting slightly upwards to examine the top of the doctor’s head. His eyes fall back to meet CRISTOFF’s and he gives another bizarre grin before looking down at the table and speaking.
MAILAR: I think… I think you need a haircut. I’d offer to do it, but no clippers in here, y’know? Yah, the last time I gave a proper cut was on my birthday, last year. I know this because I remember taking a piece of my birthday cake down to the cellar to feed Whatshername. For some reason she didn’t want any cake. Her hair was so yellow, like my cake. I chewed the end of her hair to compare flavors and she spat in my face.
MAILAR stares at a captivated CRISTOFF and crosses over his other leg to stay comfy as CRISTOFF shifts in his seat.
MAILAR: I take the cloth out of her mouth to feed her and she spits in my face. I tug her locks and stuff (he mimes shoving the gag back into her mouth) the cloth back in. I have a pair of scissors with my initials on them. They’re the only ones I use. So, I, (he interrupts himself and leans forward to a serious CRISTOFF. He crosses his hands on the table) Are you okay, Dr. Lake? You look flushed.
CRISTOFF: No, I’m just taking this all in. (He tries to be convincing but he looks confused) Continue, please.
MAILAR (grinning): Right. So, I take my scissors and cut her luscious golden locks off. Right from the scalp. I may have snagged her (he makes a cheeky face like an innocent child) so I start reciting ‘Goldilocks & The 3 Bears’, y’know cuz of her hair. And she cries. And cries. (He makes a fed-up face) So, I change the story. Get this, get this. (MAILAR sits forward in his chair with excitement), I begin reciting ‘Little Red Riding Hood’. As I recite to her, I realize there’s no colour to the story (he motions around to CRISTOFF’S boring walls), so I cut her face (he pretends to slice parts of his face with his finger). And just how perfect is it that my name just happens to be Wolfe? (He chortles and grins, pleased with himself) “BUT WHAT LARGE TEETH YOU HAVE!” (He howls and flashes his fangs. CRISTOFF has uncrossed his legs. He sits up straight and is sweating ever so slightly, yet he doesn’t take his eyes off MAILAR. MAILAR has stopped talking and is now looking at the tabletop, happily reminiscing. The room is quiet.)
MAILAR looks up as if he is ready for round two of a fight he is winning. Staring at an uncomfortable CRISTOFF, he leans on the table on one elbow. The other arm rests on his knee. He coolly goes back in for the K.O.
MAILAR: She looks into my big black eyes as I stick my scissors in her chest. I eat her like the Big Bad Wolf I am,,, That what you were looking for? Did you get that down? You haven’t been writing anything down. But there you have it, Dr. Lake. I’d like to go now. You must have more important people to talk to.
MAILAR smirks and stands up. CRISTOFF gets up right after him to ensure his own safety. He caps his pen and pockets it. He says nothing but motions MAILAR to the door. MAILAR heads back to the guarded common room casually. He turns around and smiles at CRISTOFF, who’s making sure his patient gets put back.
MAILAR: By the way, Dr. (it echoes in the hall and the guards grip MAILAR. He growls again) Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?? (He laughs out loud, a horrendous cackle, and the guards grip him by the neck. He is thrown back into the common room and a guard can be seen shoving MAILAR in the chest. CRISTOFF walks back into his office, locks the door and exhales. He glances up at the clock. It is only 10:30am.)
CRISTOFF: Sick shit bag (He sips his cold coffee at his desk, writing furiously. Exhaling, he runs his hand through his neat hair, which messes it up. He has an expression of defeat.)