Starbucks

Attilio Foresta-Martin

Aroma by Allison Healy

 

Every institution with a very strong identity is based on a precise and defined ideology and on an even more precise system of rules. If you want to see with your own eyes the distorted reality of an institution with a narrow ideology you have to devote at least two hours of your time at Starbucks.

When you enter the average Starbucks coffee shop you are at the same time in a public library and in the engine room of a boat. Young people dressed in black and green clothes are the operators responsible for several kinds of tools and machineries. In front of them the customers are sitting around their tables while they read, talk and hold cups made of cardboard. A homeless person sits alone in a corner surrounded by plastic bags and holding not one, but several cardboard cups. The difference between the real customer and the homeless one who is just taking advantage of the chair and the heat is that the first one pays and gets to choose his drink and the last one has access only to second-hand cups from the garbage can (but he can take as many as he wants).

At Starbucks everyone is welcome, the international Starbucks policy compels that the treatment must be the same for everybody and it is very much like the one you receive in a hospital; individual extreme care, but with discretion. Thanks to this rule from the first moment you approach one of the hyperactive people in green and black clothes you are asked to report about your health status, your mood and if you have any desire, dissatisfaction or complaints. Then according to your temper you can either buy a CD, or help Starbucks to make a donation to African children by buying water. After all this, when you’re still trying to understand why Starbucks needs your money to make donations, you finally have to choose your beverage.

The only difference between an ancient pagan ritual and the Starbucks order procedure is that at Starbucks the human sacrifice has been abolished. Beside this, you need a high level of knowledge on how the ceremony takes place.  There are specific codes to identify yourself as a member, and when it is your turn to speak you have to pronounce a correct formula, otherwise you don’t get a drink. The menu that covers an entire wall with inscriptions is not as helpful as you think since to show that you are an associate you have to be able to combine those inscriptions. Something like a “venti pumpkin spice white mocha chocolate frappuccino” demonstrates not only a great and respectable knowledge of the scriptures but also a certain level of seniority.

If you think that an easy way to avoid this complex liturgy and still drink something is by ordering a simple beverage you are mistaken. Even when you ask for a tea you don’t get just flavored hot water; you have to know how much flavored hot water you want, and then you have to choose between hundreds of different flavors presented to you in form of a deck of cards.

How can you defend yourself from such a well organized attempt of proselytism? Is it possible to have something to drink without being part of their sect? No, it is not. The Starbucks organization wants your complete loyalty and to have breakfast like everyone else you have to passively prostrate yourself to all of their rituals.

But if you don’t want to give your obedience you can choose to fight them, and the best way to do it is by taking advantage of the narrowness of their ideology. In fact nobody is surprised when someone orders a “dark chocolate peppermint mocha frappuccino” but what happens if someone orders some milk? Not a spiced, multicolored, soap-looking iced beverage but just milk; a glass of plain, regular milk.

At the word “milk”, a shadow of terror creeps into the eye of the Starbucks employee; he immediately understands that you are not one of them, but since you asked for something, he is forced by the policy to give at least a logical answer. But he can’t; he looks for help from the other employees. They all get together for a brief consultation.  What is milk?  Where do we keep it? Is it the yellow powder that we use to make the Java Chip Frappuccino? Or is it the purple fluid we call Mocha Syrup? Who is this customer? Is he trying to use the toilet without making an order? And while two barristas are still trying to understand what this customer truly wants, the third does what all Starbucks ministers are trained to do in case of an emergency. He offers you a free Frappuccino!

 

 

 

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